Friday, February 14
Genre: Miscellaneous Jokes
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and
family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the
greates doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies,
"I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
"Armageddon Is Long Overdue"
Inside the Bush White House
Lee Waters, Counterpunch, February 11, 2003
LEAKED WHITE HOUSE TRANSCRIPT, February, 2003
PRESIDENT BUSH: Let's get going, Gentlemen. I don't like what's going on.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Calm down, George. Things are under control.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Well, I don't think so. What's with that damn United Nations? China. France. Germany. Who the hell do they think they are?
KARL ROVE: Don't worry, sir. We've got answers for all of them.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Just nuke 'em, dammit. I want a war. God tells me we have to have a war. And they're standing in the way. The economy's tanking. Gas is going up. And Armageddon is long overdue.
KARL ROVE: Well, I'm not sure Colin's speech really did the trick. Polls here went up, of course. But he kindof laid an egg in the rest of the world.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: The homeland comes first, Karl. I love how not a single talk show or TV commentator raised the least question about anything Colin said. And, of course, the polls fell right in line, even Oprah's. I was mighty impressed.
KARL ROVE: We've got every one of those networks in our pocket now. And thanks to Colin's boy Michael promoting the free market over at the FCC, it's going to stay that way for a long long time. This nonsense about diversity in the media, it's over. Every media outlet in the US will soon be owned by one of our corporations, and we're getting the polls pretty well rigged now, too.
PRESIDENT BUSH: What about that Phil Donahue guy? How come his hair is white? I hear he's raising some questions.
KARL ROVE: Not for long, Mr. President. We've sabotaged his ratings. And he's wimped out anyway. Nobody can stay awake watching him. Why these liberals still believe in balance is beyond me. Now he's just another liberal snooze....SECRETARY RIDGE: Yes, sir. But I'm afraid he's not alone. These peace marches have been getting pretty big.
KARL ROVE: Well, you don't see anybody covering them, do you? I can tell you they had 500,000 in DC and 250 in San Francisco. But the newspapers said 50,000 or less and gave them no coverage. Not even the New York Times. NPR devoted more time to the Queen's pants.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL ASHCROFT: National Public Radio is a nest of terrorists.
KARL ROVE: You can use that as your operative phrase, John, and arrest them all whenever you want. But NPR is a bunch of gutless wimps. Britt Hume, Fox, Russert, those are the attack dogs we love.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: You even got Bob Woodward licking George's feet, Karl. Damn I gotta love you for that. What'd you do, give him some deep throat?
PRESIDENT BUSH, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY, KARL ROVE: Loud, prolonged laughter.
KARL ROVE: And that was a nice job you did at the astronauts' funeral, George. Your graveside manner has really improved.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Well I've got you to thank for that, Karl. Showing me those tapes of President Reagan and the Challenger was a really good idea. [...]