Thursday, March 27
Drowning the war
The Guardian, March 26, 2003

One of the most popular sites on the web this week is a list of rules for an imaginary drinking game. Here is a selection

Have a drink when:

· Bush is called a crusader
x2 if it's by Saddam

· Saddam is called evil
x2 if it's by Bush

· Iraqi troops surrender to the media
x2 if to a unmanned vehicle or inanimate object

· Iraq uses weapons it claims not to have

· The United States uses weapons it won't allow Iraq to have

· Saddam uses a scud he doesn't have

· France goes pro US invasion

· Germany takes the side of the US in a global war

· Dominique de Villepin reminds you of that annoying rich kid in high school.

· Anybody "warns" anybody

· The word "escalation" is used

· Iraq and the US are shown seated next to each other in the United Nations

· The media compares the war to Blackhawk Down

· You change your opinion on the war

· The Saudis do something the US accuses Iraq of doing

· North Korea does something the United States accused Iraq of doing

· Al-Jazeera is referred to as the "Arab CNN"
Finish your drink if CNN is referred to as the "American al-Jazeera"

· The conflict is compared to the Vietnam war
x2 if the word "quagmire" is used

· Saddam goes missing
Finish your drink if he is confirmed killed

· The Pope is said to "pray for peace"

· Bush mispronounces the word "nuclear"

· If you can't find Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, Oman, or the United Arab Emirates on a map
x2 if you even own a map of the region
Finish your drink if you can pronounce them all correctly

· An American reminds the French of the second or first world wars
x2 if a Frenchman reminds the Americans of the Revolutionary war

· Someone reports from "the Arab street"

· Anyone in the Bush administration says "make no mistake"

· Tariq Aziz's glasses get larger

· Somebody says Saddam "tortures his own people"

· God picks a side
Finish your drink if its not yours

· A protest sign attacks Bush directly
x2 if it attacks Saddam directly

· Saddam is compared to Hitler
x2 if Bush is compared to Hitler

· Someone compares the size of Iraq to California or France

· The media refers to itself as "embedded"

· Someone says "shock and awe"

· The words "weapon(s) of mass destruction" are used
x2 if its shortened to "WMD"

· A US official uses the word "liberate"

· Bush says "innocent civilians"

· Bush quotes scripture
x2 if Saddam quotes the Koran

· Saddam shoots a gun into the air

· Bush directly addresses Iraqis
x2 if Saddam directly addresses Americans

· a Saddam body double is seen

· Someone refers to "coalition of the willing"
x2 if it is because a member is actually providing combat troops

· Media cameras on the Baghdad skyline focus on something that looks like an erect penis

· The media refuses to report something because of operational security
x2 if its immediately followed by a commentator telling what will happen next

· The military learns of something for the first time from the media

· Ari Fleischer [Whitehouse spokesman] lies

· Any coalition representative mentions securing oil fields
x2 if immediatly followed by "for the benefit of the Iraqi people"

· This game is mentioned in the news
x2 if the Bush twins are playing it

· This is an edited version printed with permission from
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